Why Old People Are Mean — The Book

Orrin Onken
2 min readNov 22, 2022
Cover by Orrin Onken

In the life of every essayist, there comes a time to gather a bunch of essays and put them between covers. And what better time than in the days before Christmas? I am old, my readers are old, and we hang out with other old people. Old people seldom need or even want Christmas presents, but we are socialized sufficiently to want to take part in the yuletide giving anyway.

So what can old people buy for each other? A hundred pages of mildly humorous writing about getting old, being old, and putting up with people who aren’t yet old. The print is big and the jokes are easy to understand.

The book is available on Amazon here.

In addition to the namesake article, Why Old People are Mean, the book contains the following hits.

I am an Old Guy and I Don’t Have Any Friends

I Eat at an Old Person Restaurant

An Old Married Couple Goes on a Road Trip

A Large Man’s Insecurities While Walking a Small Dog

I’m Retired and I Don’t Want to Travel

Retirement Diary: Substitute Teaching in Middle School

And many, many more.

Well, a few more.

Should you decide to buy this, take care not to let it fall into the hands of middle-aged people. They are in a very serious stage of life and can be easily traumatized by the kinds of things old people talk about.

They will be old soon enough. Let them learn this stuff in their own time.

WARNING: If you are a Medium member and just want to read the essays in this book, they are all available for free on Medium.

Orrin Onken

I am a retired elder law attorney who lives near Portland, Oregon. I write legal mysteries for Salish Ponds Press and articles about being old.